waiting and seeing...

While today is day 54 on our LOA wait, this is what has been happening in my backyard...Almost 2 1/2 years ago my next door neighbor moved...it was a sad day for our family...but she left something amazing behind...her bluebird boxes, feeders, and supplies...it couldn't have been better timing since I was still dealing with the heartbreak of losing our daughter...it gave me something to watch over and protect (in addition to my precious boys)...anyway, this is my most favorite time of year and we have 5 babies as of today, (4 in this picture from yesterday)

...as I watch them grow until the 13th day when I can no longer check on them, it adds to the awe I have for our Lord...how life begins with just a speck that is undetectable by the human eye, and how each and every cell becomes what it is to become, whatever that may be...what a miracle it is to see all forms of life from the birds, to the fish, to all the babies born, created in His image, each one with a special gift and purpose given specifically to them for Him...

As I sat with my friend, Buffy, 2 weeks ago at the funeral of our 49 year old neighbor (husband to Amy and father to Emma (9) please pray for them), we listened as Psalm 139:13-18 was read...

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts,^[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
As the words were read, we sat, holding each other's hands with tears streaming down our cheeks...it couldn't have been more appropriate for us to be sitting with one another...she and I share a special bond...we have both clung to that scripture, as she too, has a child that has a "difference" for all to see.  We both know that they were made the way they were for God's purpose and we give thanks to Him for them being "fearfully and wonderfully made." We are all " fearfully and wonderfully made."
All praise be to Him!

The Holy Spirit in action with Flat Stanley

Last fall, Matt and I went on a retreat, separately, called Cursillo.  This weekend is called different things in other denominations… the Methodist version is “Walk to Emmaus," the  Catholic version is called “Chirp." It is a spiritual renewal...The men go one weekend and the women typically go the next weekend.  After the weekend you are invited to an Ultreya.  An ultreya is hosted at a different church each month and is where Curistas (people that have attended Cursillo) or others that are interested in attending come together, have a service, a couple of “talks” and have a covered dish dinner. I was asked by my sponsor to give one of the talks at the Ultreya we hosted at our church in February…I AM WAS NOT A PUBLIC SPEAKER!!! I REPEAT, I AM WAS NOT A PUBLIC SPEAKER!! The thought of speaking in public makes made me nauseous (before I went to Cursillo, still makes me just a little nauseous)…BUT God wants us to share our story and share I will and give HIM all the glory along the way!!!  I am so excited at each opportunity to share!!!   Sometimes, I get the “deer in the headlights” look and that is okay, or the "I could never do that" or "WOW, you are a bigger person than me." Um excuse me that is not true...Please understand that this adoption is not about me or my family it is ALL ABOUT HIM!  We are not some incredible family, we are just people that FINALLY said YES to our Lord!  Which you know took a long time if you have read "our story from the beginning" at the top of this blog! Yes, we have to do the work, but we do everything WITH HIS help, HIS guidance and HIS LOVE and we get SO MUCH IN RETURN!!  Adoption is not something that most people think about, but now that I am a part of the “adoption community,” I want to share with others all that God has done, is doing and will do in this whole process!! I say WILL DO, because I have complete faith in Him.  That is not to say, I don’t get squirrely at times, but He has NEVER dropped us and I KNOW HE NEVER WILL, EVER!!

Back to the talk…It was so incredible, and I was so proud of myself for finally breaking free and doing it. Matt and the boys were there and they were proud of me too.  It was so freeing!! I had been paralyzed for MANY, MANY years of speaking in public. I finally thought, what is the worst thing that can happen to me?? People will snicker, people will laugh (at the wrong parts of my talk), people will be bored. Seriously, we are at church AND Psalm 56:11 says “In God I trust, I am not afraid, what can man do to me?” so there you have it.  I was there to speak from my heart and I did!! I got to share about MY GOD, and how I have gotten to the place where I am right now!! It was nothing but awesome for me!!  I spoke for a little over 17 minutes and could have talked longer!! I was really excited!!

After the service, MANY people came up to me and said “thank you so much for sharing,” “How incredible, bless you!” “That was the best talk I have ever heard!” People asked lots of questions about MSX and when do we go get him etc.  Most everyone had left the church when this one lady came to me and said, “I have got to talk to you!”  She explained how she had been on vacation and met 3 little girls who had been adopted from China. They became friends on their trip and are now pen-pals and she couldn’t wait to share our story with them!  She also said that they sent her “Flat Stanley!”  If anyone has a Kindergartner or First grader, you know who Flat Stanley is. He becomes flat so he can be mailed to different places in the world, and has lots of adventures.  Morgan and Maddox each made a Flat Stanley at school and then they were sent to my sister Jane.  Her mission was to take Flat Stanley with her wherever she went and take pictures of him doing different activities.  My boys' Flat Stanleys had a blast with their “Momma Zanie.” Anyway, this wonderful lady, Linda, had Flat Stanley with her and wanted to take a picture of me with Flat Stanley. I held him and she took the picture. It was hilarious.  After the “photo session” she proceeded to write down her name and number.  Linda explained that she does lots of fundraising for our children’s hospital.  She also let me know she would put me in touch with some of the doctors if I needed help.  I expressed my thanks to her and also shared that I knew some of the doctors because of Morgan.  After she told me about the fundraising, I thought, ‘I wonder if she knows of an organization that would like to donate to our family.’ I explained to her that we really never thought that this was going to happen for our family…even though I had prayed for a very long time it was really a huge surprise that we were actually embarking on this journey. I told her that since I never thought it was going to happen, I didn’t have an "adoption fund" set aside.  I also explained that I have done A LOT of work on writing for grants through several foundations that give donations for adoptions.  (we had been turned down by several.) With that, I asked her if she knew of any other organizations that may be interested in being a part of our journey with God.  She said, “well,” as she was writing something, I had no idea what was happening…My backpack was on the church pew, open, and she put something in it.  Linda said, “This isn’t much, but it’s a start…” I asked her what she was talking about…She said, “It’s my paycheck.”  I told her I was not telling her that to have her give me money (although I appreciated it immensely!!), I was simply asking if she knew of an ORGANIZATION that might like to donate. She proceeded to tell me, “Honey, I got paid on Wednesday and it has been in my purse since then and today is Sunday, there must be reason it is still in there.” Jiminy Christmas!!! Of course you know what happened next, my “gift of tears” made an appearance!  I thanked her and then she went to the parish hall. Matt was closing down the sound system, and he saw me crying, and I told him what had just happened. THE HOLY SPIRIT MOVED HER!!  A complete stranger contributed to our journey!! WOW!!! HOW AWESOME IS THAT??? THANK YOU JESUS!! AMEN, AMEN!! What a true blessing for us and for Linda!! Thanks be to God!

Come to me...can I be real??

I came home yesterday defeated...after dragging SO MANY ITEMS over to my mother in law's over the past week, and some items donated by Matt's step-sister, for a garage sale, we made $26...really $26...and then I thought of...

Matthew 11:28 (NIV)

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. "

I went to him, because I was and am weary and need some rest...I have tried to be positive and upbeat on ALL of my posts and everything I have written IS from my heart...Today I am tired, and this is from my heart as well...

I had a busy week, basketball ended last Saturday (awesome season, thank you Creekside) and soccer season started Tuesday, let the craziness begin!!  Practices on T/W/TH/F and games start Saturday!

Wednesday, I went all over creation to "grocery shop" for my in laws. Matt and I and his brother Al, are now responsible for the grocery shopping. Remember, his mom has Alzheimer's and his step dad had a stroke and they have 24/7 care in their home (THANK YOU LORD FOR THIS BLESSING!!) Since gasoline is on the rise, I try to only go out one day a week because we live 20-30 minutes from major shopping. I screeched in the driveway with 5 minutes to spare before the boys got home from school.  I am hoping that I have a good system in place for them so next time it won't take as long.

Wednesday evening I went to a meeting at the school board for the ESOL program. We don't have many students in our county in the program, and the ones that are, are mostly Hispanic. Our teachers are ESOL certified, but that doesn't mean they speak MANDARIN (or Spanish)! MSX will be in the program until he passes an ESOL test and also scores 3 or higher on the FCAT (which is the RIDICULOUS standardized test in Florida that TOTALLY stresses out the students!!) They are changing some things but making things a little more difficult (in my opinion and in others) and adding end of year state tests starting in 7th grade Civics that if you don't pass, you don't graduate.  (Also to be included are US history, Algebra and Geometry, plus the FCAT equivalent.) YIKES, I am so glad to be passed ALL grades!!) The new standards will be starting in 2 years, so MSX will have 3 years to gear up for it! Many prayers over his acquiring the English language (as well as keeping his Mandarin) and his ability to learn!!! I want him to be able to graduate  high school and go to college one day!! He will receive a Rosetta Stone program, and I have already received many learning tools for math. Thanks to the school board and also the DOE!!

One of the bright spots of this week...Mason had to give a speech in his 5th grade class on Thursday.  He chose to do it on Adoption and Dwarfism. (lots to tell in 3 minutes!!) He did a great job and we are so proud of him.  I love that he wants to educate others about his brothers and our journey.  He suggested to everyone in the class to adopt a child!! Too precious for words, really!  He is embracing ALL of this and is so excited about his new brother. I also had a wonderful field trip with him on Friday...I love that he is not embarrassed by me at this point in our lives!!

Maddox had a Dr. Seuss project, book report and diorama...He chose, "Oh, the places you'll go!!" How appropriate for this time in our lives, we are going SOME PLACES!

Friday afternoon I received devastating financial news...Our downstairs AC unit has sadly passed away.  I knew in December that it wasn't working but delayed since we didn't need the A/C. The last 3 years we have sunk quite a bit of money into both units.  I didn't mean to, but I shed a few tears (not a bucket load like I wanted to) to the A/C rep and explained to him that at any other time, this would make things tight, but not like now, and told him what was happening.  He was very nice and empathetic.  Maybe he will call me tomorrow and tell me that the company wants to donate a new A/C unit! The company could write it off as a gift, right?? So, why not??  Stranger things have happened?? Okay, so maybe that is a pipe dream, but wouldn't that be awesome??!! My answer is "YES, THAT WOULD BE AWESOME!!!"

Yes, we know, this was our choice, to say yes to God!  I am so thankful we did!!! Lots of people, maybe even most people would look at their finances and say, NO WAY!!  Well, actually my husband did say that initially, remember, he is now 50, almost 51, and would like to have the "opportunity" to retire one day! Then one day, he came to me and said, his reasons for saying no, were selfish and self-centered, and he knew this was not about me, or about him, and it was all about God!  When we were younger we I didn't make the best financial decisions (nothing too costly, just immaturity, I was only 20), but I am so thankful my husband is the head of our house, under God!  Both of our cars are 6 years old and we pray they can last us another 6 years. (the jury is out on his, but we are babying it.)They get us where we need to go and are in pretty good shape inside and out. We do not finance things, we are striving for Financial Peace (we do a have a mortgage, and a small second which will be paid off in 2 years or less). Most people that know us, know that we are not big spenders and don’t do many “extra things.” We try to keep our priorities straight. We are big into  God, our family, our church family, and friends and LPA  (Little People of America).  The boys play sports every season, soccer, basketball, soccer again and swimming, that is our "entertainment." Occasionally  (once or twice a year) we see a movie on the big screen, on a Sunday afternoon when it is $5 per ticket, no popcorn or drinks, just the movie. I think (and pray and hope) our boys have a better appreciation for things, since it is a treat, not an "entitlement." I know it is a challenge at times to live where we live for each one of us in different ways, since it "seems" as if everyone has it together and they have "more" than they know what to do with...where some of their friends have the latest and greatest of "whatever" and my boys get some a lot of their clothes handed down from their Godmother's son, or their cousins, or they are purchased from Goodwill or the consignment store. I am thankful that I learned quite a while ago, that "the clothes don't make the person" and neither does their "stuff."  I think (and pray and hope) that my boys know this too...

We are TRUSTING that God will provide, we KNOW He will, even if it is in the last hour or (maybe sooner!!).  He knows that we are not close to having the $$$ for everything before us, which is making me NUTTY. He also knows that it makes me lean even harder into my faith in Him, and I know that HE is ALL about that!!

In that, I will be grateful for the $26 we made yesterday, more garage sales and bake sales to follow as well as selling our old 80s & 90s gold collection!!

By the way, 2 weeks ago a woman I do not know, donated her PAYCHECK, her actual paycheck to our journey...that story is for another day. God is good, all the time!